End of the Year Reflections

For 2012

 

What an amazing year!

There have been some changes, loss, sadness and tears, challenges, trials, worries, and problems…but mostly blessings…and as I have been reflecting on all this…I realized that there has been even a little more clarity in my life.

January – 2012

Sad month for me… Lessons in Letting Go!

Throughout the year of 2011, I did a lot of “letting go” of negative things in my life. Negative thoughts have been big on my “let go of” list and still remain a struggle.

Although negative thoughts are difficult to master, they are certainly not as painful to let go of as another challenge I faced in January of 2012; letting go of someone I cared deeply for.

After a year of fighting to change my life and regain my self-respect, one evening in January, I found myself in tears, and feeling very negative about this relationship.

Sitting there on the edge of the bed, I contemplated what to do.

How had I managed to let myself get into such a negative place in this relationship?

I tried to think of every possible solution that did not include letting go of this person.

But every scenario ended with me feeling disrespected and very unimportant.  I felt that hanging on any longer would mean loss of self –respect. Sadly, I knew I would have to let go. I knew I had no control over his actions, reactions and feelings. All I could control was my own life. I had to let go, in order to feel better about myself.

When someone, you feel is as important to you as the air you breath, can treat you as though you are the least important person in the universe, you cannot possibly feel good about yourself.

I just couldn’t bear to watch our relationship continue to the point of such negativity any longer. Not a relationship that meant so much to me. I would have to let go now, before there was absolutely nothing good left to remember.

Many times, throughout 2012 I have missed the friendship to the point of deep sadness.

And, I really don’t blame him for the loss of self-respect that was caused by our relationship.

I blame myself alone.

I alone am responsible for my happiness and how I feel about myself.

Lesson learned?
Moving on is pretty painful most times, but always a better choice than letting a relationship continue to the point of loss of respect and esteem for yourself and any others involved.
Letting go was not what I would have choosen, had there been any other way that I could continue to love not only myself… but him.

You are responsible for your life... Life is really about moving on. Oprah Winfrey

“Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it.”
― Ann Landers

 

February–

Facing Fears – Lessons in the power of Love

You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.
Eleanor Roosevelt

I think buying the ticket was the hardest part. Once I had the non-refundable round trip ticket to Salt Lake City (via a two-wk.- stop in Houston) I was “pretty -much” committed to facing my fear of flying.

Of course, when my daughter Peggy offered to fly with me as far as Houston, it was a “done deal”.

I have already shared the silly antics of, sweaty palms, tight fists, weak-knees, heart palpitations and the like in an earlier post. So, no need to humiliate myself again.

Just am so grateful I lived through it…and didn’t have to say “told-you-so”. 

In case you didn’t know, with someone who has a legit fear of flying…getting on an airplane is certain death.

However, I am proud to report that I lived through that trip and have already made another trip to Salt Lake last August.

 I still don’t like flying, not even a tad…but I will do it lots more I am sure. Why? I am motivated by love.

There are eight grandchildren combined in those two cities and the need to be a present and a loving part of their lives totally out-weighed the possibility of death by air-o-plane / fear of flight. 

Hey, at least if I crashed and burned they would know I was trying to get to where they were, right?

“If you want to know how to overcome fear, then forget fear, and allow love to take hold of your life. The more you can experience love in your life, the more that fear will dissipate. This anonymous quote sums it up beautifully, “Love is what we were born with. Fear is what we learned here.” To consciously rediscover love can show us how to overcome fear by allowing the lessons of fearfulness to unravel and fade away.”

I am capable of great strength when it is for the sake of these who call me Grandma. I have become so impressed with who I can become in the face of great challenge if it is for the sake of those I love.

Further reflection about the strength I find in the power of love has given me more clarity in purpose. More importantly, with this power there is no stopping me. The answer all along has been to look beyond myself. I have finally found my true motivation. DO IT FOR THE CHILDREN!

There should be absolutely no reason why I cannot complete my butterfly quest with the power found in loving.

I now have the golden key and ingredient to make this possible, right?

When I place any fear up against the fear of not doing this for those I love, my strength will always increase. So…What is it that makes Linda tick then? Love.

Why shouldn’t I do all I can to be an example of all that is beautiful, healthy, positive and awesome. Indeed why not?

These are the things I desire for them; self-confidence, self-esteem, physical and spiritual strengthen and…joy and happiness in living, loving and serving.

Our Deepest Fear

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant,
gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us.
It is not just in some; it is in everyone.

And, as we let our own light shine, we consciously give
other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.

We all have the potential to face our fears for those we love. We all are sons and daughters of deity. With God all things are possible. God wants you to achieve your righteous desires.

What a worthy example to leave to your children and have them pass on to future generations.

There is enough potential in my little family alone to change the world with the power of love.

If we all did this for the sake of the love of a child. WE WOULD CHANGE THE WORLD, one family at a time.

“And, as we let our own light shine, we consciously give
other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our fear,
our presence automatically liberates others”

Just had to share that part of the quote again, it is my favorite part.

Are you looking for a great New Year Resolution?

Give up one fear for your children in 2013.

God did not teach us fear…man has done this.

Stand up to fear of all kind and let the power of love heal your life …

Change the world.

 

March–

Learning to trust God…In Spite of yourself

From the very beginning of my butterfly quest I have called upon God to help me.

At first my praying was just a plea… a plea that I might be able to lose weight.  

But then, as I began to lose weight, my prayers began to change.

Slowly…my simple pleadings changed to deeper and more descriptive desires…moving from just asking to lose weight, to wanting to feel better, from wanting to be better, to asking to understand my mission and purpose in life.

Of course my prayers continued to change. As I felt better and better, I got stronger and stronger.

So from March of 2011 to March of 2012, I went from a state of hopelessness about my life, to being in a place in life where I am full of hope and love for life…and not just life in general…but my life.

God is so amazing!

The point here… God heard my prayers and in spite of the fact that all I knew to pray for was that I wanted to lose weight…he in his wisdom knew better than I, what I really needed.

He knew what it would take to turn me from hopeless to “full of hope and love”.

I went on a quest to discover myself… and here is what I have discovered so far; That God knows me, loves me and stands ready to help me…in spite of myself.

All he asked of me is to follow him and trust.

I am sorry…but for me this was an “ah-ha” moment in my life.

I know I am doing a very bad job as a writer here…but maybe this quote will help.

I asked God for strength that I might achieve. I was made weak that I might learn humbly to obey. I asked for health that I might do greater things. I was given infirmity that I might do better things. I asked for riches that I might be happy. I was given poverty that I might be wise. I asked for power that I might have the praise of men. I was given weakness that I might feel the need of God. I asked for all things that I might enjoy life. I was given life that I might enjoy all things. I got nothing that I asked for, but everything I hoped for. Almost despite myself, my unspoken prayers were answered. I am, among all men, most richly blessed.”

When you feel hopeless about anything in your life all you have to do is just muster enough strength to pray. Just pray. Just pray even if you are not sure exactly what to ask for, because God knows before you even ask what is needed. 

I promise he will answer you, just as he has me…in spite of yourself.

“When we struggle in life, our faith is tested. Learning to trust God is a

Life long journey.

There will be days your faith will be challenged. When doors will be locked and you have to wait it out.

Psalm 37:3-4 says, “Trust in the LORD and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.”

God knows today, tomorrow, and all things that intertwine. We cannot see everything He sees and we cannot know everything He knows.

“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord. “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts” Isaiah 55:8–9

It’s not that our plans are bad but that God’s plans are better. God knows what you need. He knows your heart and He knows what’s best. Just hold on, it will get better.”

 

April–

Answers to prayers…God moves in mysterious ways

Sometime in early April my prayers changed again.

I began to pray for people to come into my life who could uplift and inspire me. I prayed for God to place those in my life that I could inspire, love and serve.

Once you feel enlightened and excited about life, of course you want to help others, so I began to ask for opportunities to serve.

One of the first times I realized my prayers were being answered I was surprised.

Surprised at the person God had put into my life to inspire and uplift me.

While I was visiting in Utah this past March, I visited with my son Brian, who wanted to share a book with me.

Brian told me that the book had come into his hands as a gift from a friend.

Brian was very troubled at the time his friend shared the book with him. She told him not to rush reading the book but just to read it slowly…pondering as he read. She felt the book might help him.

The book ended up actually helping Brian past his problems with peaceful resolve and inspiration for his life.

I took the book back to SC with me the first of April and had been reading it for about a week.

If I am reading a particular book I usually keep it on my night stand so I can pick it up anytime I have a few minutes during the day.

One morning I was saying my prayers and again asking that God would send special people into my life to inspire me.

As I closed my prayer, my eyes opened and fell on the book laying on my night stand. It was the book Brian had given me.

I was really taken back as I gazed on the book and suddenly realized that this author was someone God had sent into my life to uplift and inspire me.

The author has been dead for many years and yet, here he was… an answer to my prayer.

My eyes filled with tears of gratitude as I realized that God moves in mysterious ways. God is so amazing.

By the way you may to curious to know the name of the book? If so…It is “Walden and Other Writings”, by Henry David Thoreau.

 

May – July

More Answers and Reconnections…

One afternoon in early May I met three old friends from high school for dinner in Oak Ridge. This had become a regular occurrence for us three over the past few months. And this dinner seemed no different, just an opportunity to visit with three old friends.

As we visited together this particular afternoon we discussed getting a larger group together in a few months for a “get together.”

Well, I agreed to organize it. But at that dinner had NO intention of planning a full-scale reunion, just a small “get together”.  I was thinking 15 or so would be great.

Well…I really cannot remember how it got so out of hand. Can’t remember who said what or even what happened next exactly…but the planning  quickly changed…and was as big as surprise to me as anyone, when the next thing I knew I was hosting a full scale high school reunion.

In the end our little “get together plans” grew into a reunion for the Oliver Springs High School graduating classes of 1966, 65, and 67 plus friends.

In all, we hosted a get together that included about 230 graduates and friends from 1961 – 1970.

Of course this was a great success and wonderful experience for me.

I have already written lots about this in an earlier blog post.

But the ripple effects from this planning still continue to bless my life.

Again God moved into my life to answer my prayer in a way I had not anticipated at all.

I went about planning a reunion, not realizing God was answering my prayers.

The whole time I thought I was “just” planning a reunion, God was blessing my life. He was filling it with amazing people.

I have been so overwhelmed by the reconnections I have made that have uplifted and inspired my life.

They are too many to name and tell you about here.  I will have to write a separate post about the continued answers to my prayers.

 

August

Obedience Is Power…

This was an amazing experience for me.

Too amazing to tack on to the end of this post.

Stay tuned then, for my next installment of

End of the Year Reflections for 2012

“More answers to Prayers” & “Obedience Is Power”