A phone call brings me inspiration for the New Year…

A friend called last week to say Merry Christmas and catch up a bit. We exchanged lots about our families and what we had been doing…you know;  fun stuff, challenging and concerning stuff, and lots of  just plain simple everyday stuff. During the course of the conversation though, two things were talked about that inspired me. Two simple things really, nothing new, just things I already believe I need in my life. But because I am human, need to be reminded over and over again that these are the things that work.

1)     Stay in a hopeful place no matter the challenge

2)     The importance of routine in avoiding unhealthy choices in your diet

More about the conversation…

My friend and I talked about all the fun and yummy treats we are surrounded by at this time of year.  Neighbors and co-workers want to say “happy holidays” and often do so with homemade treats. Since my friend lives and works in the same building, it sounded like there had been lots of these homemade gifts given. One was mentioned however that made me have visions of sugar plums… you know “as in dancing in your head”, and I was doing a lot more than dancing with it in MY Head. Home-made Reese Cups. I have encountered these before and know first -hand how good they are, so when I heard,” I have not tasted these yet…but they look really good”, I was impressed by the self-control it must be taking to not partake. As my friend explained why, I had one of those Aw Ha! Moments. My friend was in a “place of routine” that kept the temptation at bay. A place of routine. I have those. We all do and we can use this place to help have a healthier life.

Places of Routine…

We all have these “places of routine”, some bad and some good. I am thinking of the good ones where being there always keeps temptation at a minimum and much easier to deal with. We can have these good ”places of routine” whether we stay at home or we work, or both. We have to create them though. Having retired last April, I know that having something worth-while to do every day keeps my focus on eating healthy so much easier. I want to work on that place this coming New Year.

Once someone has inspired me I try to research stories, articles and quotes to reinforce how I can best use the inspiration to benefit my butterfly quest. I found a pretty simple and straight forward article in my research about having a healthy and simple daily routine that I thought I could use. For me the simpler the better. All the blue text here is from that article.

http://www.naturalnews.com/024500_exercise_wellness_health.html

There are four main components to a successful wellness routine. They are:

1.Exercise
2.Nutrition
3.Spiritual Practice
4.Rest and Relaxation

 I usually wake up thirsty and sometimes hungry. I get up and go for a drink first off. I am so grateful to say that it is usually cold green tea and not my old beverage of choice, coke. What an addiction I had to that stuff. The drink refreshes me so I can abstain then from eating until I feel alive again.

The green tea and a warm soapy shower have become the routine that resurrects my sanity.  I try not to eat until I can think clearly.  I am not a morning person. I wake up feeling like a duck…not knowing where I even am sometimes. This is one of my routines that is a must unless there is an emergency that keeps me from it. Life and death emergency I am talking here. J

Exercise…

I try to fit stretching into my daily routine every day. I lie on the bed and do leg lifts, sit ups and a few other things to mostly just get the blood flowing and my joints moving. When I am in a hurry I skip this part of my morning routine…if I skip this too many mornings I can tell that the stiffness starts to set in about noon. Ouch!  I did go swimming every day during the summer but I am too cold natured to venture to the recreation pool now. I have tried it and my teeth chatter so hard that I can hardly breathe, so I am going to add something new to my winter evening routine this New Year.   There is a weight room here at the apartment complex where Peggy and Mark live so I will go there to ride the bike and use some weights before dinner each day. This should only take me about 30 minutes and should make a big difference I hope. I also love music and dancing and would like to add some zumba to my life. I can think of only one other thing that affects me like music and that is nature. I will keep you posted on this. Donna has some zumba cds, she would probably help her mother out don’t ya think? J

Your daily exercise should be doable and not require you to take a fitness class to accomplish. This type of exercise is more about moving your body than giving yourself the most challenging workout of your life. Examples of a daily exercise routine include:

1. Taking a walk around the neighborhood in the morning or after work.
2. Performing a simple yoga or qi-gong exercise in the morning or evening.
3. Riding your bike to the park.
4. Dancing to your favorite music in the comfort of your living room.

The important thing to remember is that you need to move your body each and every day to stay healthy and happy. Don't make exercise in to a huge obstacle to overcome. Find a way to fit more movement into your daily life and your body will thank you for it.

Nutrition…

I try to keep this simple and doable as well. I have not made a lot of drastic changes to my life with nutrition… There are simply some things I do not eat any more. Anything refined needs to be limited for me to almost null.  I have kept the things I love that are good for me as I mentioned before, salsa is a keeper for me.  Protein, salad and veggies are keepers. I need more fruit and I know that. I will have to work on that one. The problem is I love the summer fruits the best. Melons and peaches are some of my favorites. I do like Clementine’s and V8 juice a lot. Of course the salsa girl would love V8.

Diet and nutrition can be an overwhelming subject. Unless you are one of those people who enjoy counting calories and spending hours in food preparation, adjusting your diet may seem impossible. Try coming up with a moderate diet that provides leeway and space for those moments when you have a chocolate craving. Rather than rigidly trying to subtract specific foods from your diet, add nutritious, healthy options to your existing plate.

Spiritual Practice…

I try to keep my goal and desires foremost in my prayers and thoughts. Always listening and looking for inspiration. I have found the closer I listen and look the more spiritual I feel. God wants to inspire us. We sometimes let our lives become so cluttered with noise and worldly priorities that do not include him. This noise and clutter keep us from seeing the forest for the trees; or hearing the still small promptings and tender mercies and miracles all around us.  I need to keep working on this in the New Year.

Daily spiritual practice is the positive habit of connecting with a higher power or ideal, whether that is God, nature, or the mystery of the universe. You do not have to be a spiritual person to have a spiritual practice. Atheists, for example, might engage in a spiritual practice that consists of mindful journal writing each morning.
The purpose of daily spiritual practice is to disengage from the petty irritations and distractions of life and open the mind and spirit to see the bigger picture. A daily spiritual practice should nurture, uplift, and inspire.

Examples of daily spiritual practice include:

1. Prayer
2. Journaling
3. Creativity (art, music, writing)
4. Meditation

The benefits of a daily spiritual practice are cumulative and over time will lead to more peace of mind and a greater ability to handle life's challenges.

Rest and Relaxation…

Sometimes I have a very hard time sleeping lately. I then feel tired the whole next day. I have found that drinking diet pop too close to bed time is bad for me. I am up going to the bathroom too much and then my mind becomes active and I can’t get back to sleep. I know feeling rested is important because I don’t make good choices when I am feeling tried. I would never try to make a life changing decision late at night…go to bed and sleep first. Life looks so much more uncomplicated the next morning.

In our hurried world, the benefits of rest cannot be overstated. Too often we are running on fumes – too little sleep and too much activity. Sleep deprivation has been associated with all sorts of problems, from anxiety and depression to unsafe driving. Some scientists are studying a possible link between sleep deprivation and obesity (the theory is that sleep deprivation disrupts the production of important hormones).

Relaxation is also important. Your mind needs rest and play. If all you did was work from the beginning to the end of the day, you would become less effective overall due to the stress. Spend time relaxing every day, even if it's just a half an hour to read a favorite book or partake in a hobby.

Keep things simple….and hopeful!

At one point in my conversation with my friend I was told to stay “Hopeful”. Hmmmm, I did not react too positive at first to this advice… but once I thought about what was being said to me, I realized I had become pretty negative during the course of our conversation. Wow…talk about putting me in my place. J  Thinking about this challenge from my friend, to stay hopeful, has inspired me this week.

Once you leave your hopeful place you are not effective any more. Not effective in conversation or anything else you are doing. We need to stay hopeful.  Remember that just like anything in life; living a healthier life style will never be easy. Someone once told me that anything worthy of my time in this life would have a challenge and a sacrifice attached and that would be how I would recognize it as worthy. There will always be things that make it hard to stay hopeful and positive in life as well as trying to do and say the right things. Hopefully though! (No play on the word intended) we will be brought back to our senses, if not by our friends, then by ourselves, to our hopeful place. In this case a place of routine….where life can be simple and hopeful. A life style that will bring health of body, mind and spirit.  

Happy New Year… and I challenge you to make some routines for yourself in this New Year where you will more easily be able to stay hopeful and positive about everything worthy of doing in your life.

Good night butterflies

SCARS….The Sequel

The Past….

You can remember just enough to avoid repeating the mistake…Dismiss the destructive, and keep dismissing it until the beauty of the Atonement of Christ has revealed to you your bright future and the bright future of your family, your friends, and your neighbors. God doesn’t care nearly as much about where you have been as He does about where you are and, with His help, where you are willing to go.

I know I left my last post in an unfinished place (a ‘waiting place’ as Lindsey might sayJ), because I had not come to any conclusions. I am very pleased to report though, that I did receive a feeling of understanding and conclusion on the matter a few days later, but because of holiday travels, shopping and visiting I have not had a chance to write…

The rest of the story…

I read several articles and scriptures about ‘spiritual amnesia’ as well as ‘forgetting where our blessings come from’ before I finally began to feel comforted. I now feel I have a better understanding of why I had this “wakeup call.” When I read the highlighted quote above, I pretty much felt…

This was my answer…

I don’t have to remember all the tragic details of my past, and to be healthy, should remember only enough to keep me from repeating the same mistakes. It is the future I should be looking to, with faith that the best is yet to be. God doesn’t care nearly as much about where I have been as He does about where I am headed and what I am willing to do to get there.

Keep your eyes on your dreams, however distant and far away. Live to see the miracles of repentance and forgiveness, of trust and divine love that will transform your life today, tomorrow, and forever.

The poet Robert Browning wrote:

Grow old along with me!

The best is yet to be,

The last of life, for which the first was made:

Our times are in his hand

Who saith, “A whole I planned,

Youth shows but half; trust God: see all, nor be afraid!” ²

I will keep my scars then as reminders of where I have come from but focus on the future. “Don’t let you past dictate who you will be…but let it be a stepping stone to who you can become, where the best is yet to be”

I am realizing more and more each day that looking back is only ‘holding me back’. I am amazed at the place I have come to in my quest for health and strength and what I am learning about me. I feel sometimes like I am seeing color again where there has only been black and white. For the first time in a very long time, I am braver, stronger and so much happier. I am learning to play the harp, learning about computer software programs, and thinking of leaving the world of retirement and going back to working again in the coming New Year. I have come from feeling I am not worth loving, to feeling I have so much love to give. Really, I am so excited to see what happens next that I can hardly wait to get there.

When something is over and done with, when it has been repented of as fully as it can be repented of, when life has moved on as it should and a lot of other wonderfully good things have happened since then, it is not right to go back and open some ancient wound that the Son of God Himself died to heal.

Remembering Lot’s Wife…

Lot and his family were told to move on that Sodom and Gomorrah would be destroyed. They were told to leave right away and not to look back.  Of course we all know that Lots wife did not obey…she looked back and was turned to a pillar of salt. I know it was not just ‘looking back’ that caused this to happen to her.  Part of what she did wrong was to longingly look back…She was probably resenting having to leave the comforts of her home and the life she knew.

It is sometimes so hard to let go of the past…even a bad past. There is some weird comfort in the past…we get used to feeling sorry for ourselves, and justify staying there because to move on and live in the future will take trusting in it. Lot’s wife did not believe that the Lord could provide a better life for her in the future than what she was leaving behind.  Insanity…yes, but I can relate to her on so many levels. I know I won’t turn to salt if I look back but…looking back does distract me and keep me from putting my full trust in God and knowing that, “the best is yet to be”

My conclusion then...

The past is to be learned from but not lived in. We look back to claim the embers from glowing experiences but not the ashes. And when we have learned what we need to learn and have brought with us the best that we have experienced, then we look ahead and remember that faith is always pointed toward the future. Faith always has to do with blessings and truths and events that will yet be efficacious in our lives.

All highlighted quotes

From a Brigham Young University devotional address given on January 13, 2009. For the full text of the address in English, visit http://speeches.byu.edu.

"So that I do remember to never go that far, could you leave me with a scar?"

I have been searching all week for my scars….yes, I know what you are thinking, why would I be looking for those ugly-old stretch marks? And true, the physical ones are still easy to see, as you might well imagine, but those are not the scars I seek to keep. Heavens no. It is the spiritual scars I am seeking, and the ones I so desperately want to hold to.

Scars come in all shapes and sizes. They appear on faces, bodies or souls, speaking of some old hurts and pains that no longer affect us (aside from the dull ache of phantom pain). The incidents remain branded onto us though, the scars reminding us of the trauma. Little abject lessons carved into us that help us remember to never to get hurt the same way again.

WARNING – I have recently discovered that spiritual amnesia causes your spiritual scars to disappear. Confused?  Let me share an experience that brought this to my attention.

The First Sunday of Every Month

In my church, the first Sunday of each new month is for fasting and sharing of testimonies. Anyone in the congregation may stand at the podium and share his testimony. Over the years I have come to love hearing the spiritual feelings, experiences and insights shared by my friends and church family. I have found this time to be a comfort to me throughout my life and is usually a time of spiritual reflection for me.  Depending on what is going on in my life, emotion can make it impossible to stand and declare tender and sweet feelings of love for God without the shedding of tears. Because of this, I share my feelings and declarations of love on very rare occasions.  Anyway I do have a point…

Upon entering the church building on this first Sunday in December, I was aware that today was first Sunday and that the congregation would be invited to share testimonies. However I had no intention of sharing mine. I took a seat in one of the back rows where I could quietly enjoy what others would have to say, and where I would reflect on things dear to my heart. As the meeting progressed a dialogue started within me that surprised me somewhat.

The dialogue went something like this; “Linda, you need to share your testimony”, “No! That would be pointless, I would cry, and then no one would be able to understand what I wanted to share anyway.” ‘I am way too emotional right now.  I have nothing to say that these people would need to hear, I will do best to listen to others”, Most of these people don’t even know who I am”, “That is right you are a stranger in their midst, you should make your heart known to them”, “No! Why would I even consider doing this?” ’‘You have so many blessings…the Lord has not forgotten you, do not forget him”, “No……”

Well... I did share my testimony that day…but drove home still wondered why I had felt such a strong prompting to share.

THEN…one day last week I was talking to my daughter Cheryl on the phone and in the course of our conversation I shared this experience with her.  She listened intently without making a comment until I was finished. Then…,”Mom, I remember a time a couple of years ago when you and I were attending a first Sunday together. During the meeting I noticed you were crying and I asked why? You told me you wanted to share your testimony but was afraid that you would not be able to walk up to the podium and stand there long enough to do it. Mom, that is so amazing that now you were able to do that.”

 Ah ha!     Cheryl was right!

The thought that I could not stand there long enough to share my testimony had not even crossed my mind that Sunday. I was not in a place in my life anymore where ‘how hard’ it would be to stand and walk influenced my every move.

Cheryl, Keola with Elijah and Faith

So now I knew…the Lord was trying to remind me of a time when I could not share my testimony because it was physically not possible. I had forgotten. How was that possible…the realization of this spiritual amnesia or forgetting was devastating to me. Tears poured. How could I have forgotten so easily where I had come from? Fear rose up from my stomach and climbed up my throat in a big knot. Oh my God, if I can forget that easily then I will never be able to finish my quest. The story of the Jews who wandered in the desert for 40 years suddenly lit up my mind like a Hollywood horror flick with me playing the lead role. I was no different. Of course, the Red sea had not been parted for me but I had been rescued just the same.

What is striking is how the children of Israel forgot the Lord and all of the acts that he had performed for them in Egypt, in the wilderness. This forgetfulness served as the context for their depravity, for their worship of other gods and for their failure.

Deuteronomy 6:12 be careful that you do not forget the LORD, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery.

I have thought about this every day since I spoke to Cheryl. I am still trying to come up with a plan that will ensure that I do not ever forget again. I have thought of everything from getting a scarlet letter tattooed on my forehead to reciting the 10 commandments every morning. Right now the fear is making it easy to remember but why did I forget so easily…. I really do not know what to do here. Anyone have any ideas for me?

Never forget where you came from. If we forget where we came from and what made us, who we are now, then we will have no foundation to stand up on, and we will eventually crumble.

Look back at the good times and smile, not because you had good times then, but because there are many more good times to come, and many more good memories to be made.

Look back at the bad times as well and smile, because now that you have been through those experiences, you are stronger and wiser, and even more equipped to handle the world and everything it throws at you!

I am really feeling uninspired as I sit here preparing to write a post for my blog tonight. I have done my Google search for inspiration, reflected over the past week about the challenges I faced, considered conversations with friends and family, and reflected on what I used to keep me going. BUT all I keep thinking about is 'my butterfly necklace'. I wear it every day as a reminder to stay focused on the process of change.

The process?? it has not been something I saw in it's entirety when I began. I make changes and adjustments as I go. I am learning that change is a process, and there are many stages involved. You know as well as I that it doesn't happen over night. So in order to keep changing, growing and becoming you have to realize that each stage is important and will reveal itself as you need to know it. I try to tell myself this, that every stage is important, when I get sooooooo ready to be accomplished and there, and THIN right now ALREADY!!

Butterflies possess the ability to grow and change, leaving the safety of their cocoon to discover a new world in a new form without fear, trusting their untested wings to fly without a doubt in their minds. They work through many important stages to become the beautiful creature they are. Similar to the butterfly, we too are always moving through different stages, each equally as vital. It is no good rushing to a particular stage, nor is it good getting stuck at a stage and becoming stagnant. Butterfly is a potent symbol for those considering, or in the throes of, a big change.

My Butterfly Necklace I did not plan to buy and wear a butterfly necklace on the first day of my journey. I bought it about 6 months into my quest. I use it to remind me that this is a process and I want to stay open to inspiration and change. I fell asleep one night thinking about how hard it is to stay focused and committed and all the temptations that seem so overwhelming at times. When I woke up the next morning I thought about butterflies and wondered about the process of going from a yucky, creepy, crawly worm to a beautiful and vibrant colored butterfly, free from the bondage of crawling  in the dirt and getting nowhere fast…. to soaring in the heavens with dignity and grace. I decided to take that symbol as mine as a physical reminder of what I was hoping to accomplish. A Big Change.

 I am constantly changing….changing the way I eat, drink, exercise, think and get around.  You might say I am always changing or modifying my game plan. I imagine that I am the coach of a football team getting ready for an important, make or break game. Although the men I know will say every game is make or break. J Anyway, like an important football game, I am the coach and I have a pretty dang good idea what I need to do to win the game, but as the coach, I know it is important to always keep myself focused on what is happening in the game. If things go sour, I evaluate my plays, the environment and my moral. I never hesitate to adjust or change the game plan, it is always changing. The only thing that remains the same is
I NEED TO WIN!!

‘Most people don’t even notice my necklace…as you can see here in this photo it is pretty small. But I know it is there…I feel it and see it’s reflection as I look in mirrors. It has become very important to me. I often reach for it and hold it between my fingers as it serves a constant reminder of what I am doing. Right now I am planning to wear it until I finish my quest. However long that…takes. But I have learned that I can change my mind…and probably will.’ You know when you see a tiny cocoon hanging from a tree so quiet and still.....you can't imagine how important that cocoon is to the soon to be butterfly? It is that way with my necklace, it is just hanging there quietly but I who wear it is Sooooo aware of how important it is to my changing process.

The Butterfly is also one of the most inspiring symbols of the animal world, knowing precisely the time to leave the comfort and limitation of its cocoon, flying freely into the world. Quite frequently, we are not so certain. The cocoon of our thoughts and fears may be limiting, they are also safe and familiar. We can become afraid of what may be outside of our limiting thoughts and belief systems, trapping us and holding us back from ourselves, from our dreams and desires, from our unlimited potential.

The Stages of Becoming  I could be completely wrong here, but since butterflies cannot talk I am going with my take on what goes through their tiny little butterfly mind as they decide to change.  I think they feel a change is needed and want very much to achieve it, but they have no idea how to accomplish it.  They just trust they will figure it how as they go. They follow their instincts or intuition or inspiration, whatever you want to call it. But whatever their thought process, I believe the desire is what empowers them. The desire and will is so great they are willing to face the unknown to make the change.

The Yellow Butterfly

A story is told of a caterpillar named Yellow who was trying to find out what she should be doing with her life.

In her wanderings she discovered another caterpillar seemingly caught in some gauzy, hairy filament. Concerned, she asked if she could help.

He explained that this was all part of the process of becoming a butterfly.
When she heard the word butterfly, her whole insides leapt.

“But what is a butterfly?”
The cocooned caterpillar explained: “It’s what you are meant to become.”

Yellow was intrigued but a bit defiant. “How can I believe there’s a butterfly inside you or me when all I see is a fuzzy worm?”
On further reflection she pensively asked, “How does one become a butterfly?”
And the answer? “You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar.”  

(By Trina Paulus', HOPE FOR THE FLOWERS) 

Change is a process and each stage of the process is important. But, first you must want it more than you want to stay where you are. Hey, J  sounds like we are back to loving ourselves again. That love, or at least the spark or beginning to love yourself, is and always will be what was the first step for me.

Here are several steps I have used in my process or transformation so far. I am sharing these with you here in hopes to encourage you or inspire you to find your own.

1)     I stay focused on 10 lbs. at a time. The larger goal is in view, but in 10 lb. chunks. Any bigger focus for me becomes too far away and feels insurmountable. It is a mountain too far away to start climbing right now. I am still just approaching, focusing on the path and just keeping the mountain in my peripheral vision.  I can see it in the distance. I know it is there. This is just my way of sneaking up on it. The journey of a million miles is just a series of small and consistent steps. Becoming a butterfly is a long process for a human…I know it is not possible really to become a butterfly, but this is an analogy silly. I really don’t have a ‘for sure” ending weight either. I am older now and it has been so long, I can't imagine what number it will take for me to look like Linda again. I know what I am supposed to or want to look like and how I want to feel when I am done. So I just celebrate each time I overcome 10 lbs. of struggle. Then, I focus on the next 10. Besides I am changing here not really dieting because the word diet tells your brain, hey, when you get done you can have a doughnut everyday again. No not me. I can never have a doughnut every day ever again. I am changing my life, NOT dieting.

2)     I weigh myself every three to four days. Sometimes everyday though, it just depends on how I am feeling. I use the scale to evaluate my progress. I know some of these 10 lb. chunks are harder than others to move. If I see that I am struggling to get on down the scale in a reasonable amount of time, I evaluate what I have been eating and adjust. I adjust the carbs, the salt, the portions, my exercise and my attitude. I usually give myself about a month and a half to lose 10 lbs.

3)    Early on, I decided that I needed a plan for when I just feel like I need some comfort food, something sweet or whatever. I have found that salsa works for me. I love the spicy, salty, tomato thing it has going on. A couple of tablespoons of salsa have about 10 calories and 10 big corn chips have around 120 calories. I actually love salsa so much I crave it and sometimes just want to turn the bottle up and chug it. I can eat a whole cup at a time for sure. Probably not real good to eat that much but I justify it occasionally anyway because it is not a candy bar right? I will lay out 10 chips that I can have or allow myself and I just scoop up as much salsa has it will hold and enjoy. I also will eat it this for maybe lunch, and that will be it…because I do eat a whole cup. I don’t know…. call me crazy…but I am a salsa girl. What is going to be your safety net or new comfort food? Come on you know there is something out there that you can replace that treat with. No, okay then…but you need to find one, really. The day will come when you will need that safety net because the fallout from a candy bar is hard to recover from. Some addictive foods are like coming down from drugs. Shhhh! Don't tell but....I think the food industry puts addiction in some treats, like candy bars and coke, for this purpose. THAT is how they plan to buy all of their employees catalacs (sp). I know I have contributed to this insanity myself. So when you see a smug little old grey haired guy driving a catalac around....just remember how he got it and the PRICE, you paid you it!

4)     Occasionally I buy something I love and know I am at least 10 lbs. away from being able to wear. Peggy, my daughter, noticed I was constantly going back to the larger sizes even though I had lost more weight. Sometimes it is hard to believe you are getting thinner when you have seen yourself over weight for a long time. To help me get over this, Peggy has taught me to be a bargain shopper. She loves the challenge and is, well great at it. She is the one who encouraged me to buy something I will be soon be able to wear. I am a frequent patron of Goodwill and Ross now. Have you seen the almost new clothes people give to good will? And did you know that Ross has awesome prices for brand name stuff?  If not, get over your vanity. Good place to find great items to work your way into, 10 lbs. at a time.

5)     Another, and my last tip for this time, cause this is getting way too long, I try to take pride in how I look every day now. I take time for me each morning. As soon as I feel like I look my best then I am ready to put that to rest, and tackle whatever I need to do for the day.  I usually shower, do makeup and dress like I give a damn. I am not vain, but even vanity might be better than where I have been. Linda has feelings you know, I need to be important enough for me to care, and care right now today!  I am not going to wait until I am at a certain weight to take pride in what I look like anymore or who I am. I am 63 now; I am not getting younger here........just but thinner hopefully.  I have found that this affects my attitude and accomplishments, and actually keeps me more positive at reaching my 10 lb. at a time, goals. Besides, I am starting to really enjoy the interesting looks I get from men. I know for some of you, it should be the interesting looks you get from one man, I am certainly not telling you to become a flirt, but for me right now, I am just enjoying the looks and smiles. I actually love that I am starting to feel alive again. And that I am a woman. Something funny is… I used to think old men looked funny and unattractive. Now that I feel better about myself…they look better. How the heck is that happening? Who knew? Turns out, I am attracted to old men after all. In fact the younger ones make me nervous and I don't trust when they think it is ok to look at an older woman. YUCK! That is just insane! I could be your mother!!! Stop IT!!! Some old men, NO MOST old men, are even balding and have facial hair, which used to be a turn-off for me. Maybe you are, right now, having a struggle being attracted to your man and can’t understand why you ever were attracted to him anyway?? Hey, I am just saying…. Maybe it is simply because you don’t feel attractive yourself?? No telling what the hell he really looks like becasue YOU are trying to see him through FAT eyes! THIN UP GIRL, LOL. Hmmmmm?? Oh well, just some food for thought. :-)

Goodnight butterflies…Love and sweet dreams until next time.