Devine Intervention from a friend

Worthless or Worthy: How Do You See Yourself?

By Joyce Meyer (All the blue text in this post are the words of Joyce Meyer)

Do you like yourself? After years of trying to help people emotionally, mentally, spiritually and socially, it was a major breakthrough when I discovered that most people really don't like themselves. Some of them know it, while others don't even have a clue that this is probably the root of so many other problems in their lives.. 

I use to say to my daughters that I didn’t like myself all the time, and that if I could, I wouldn’t even be friends with me. Hmmmmm…shame on me! Pretty bad example I know. Sorry to anyone I ever said that too.  I was so wrong to say that. I don’t feel that way today. I do love Linda and appreciated her. I appreciate not only who she is today but who she is working to become. I can sincerely say that I love myself. Thank you God.  Thank you because this love has been the most important key in my success so far. I consider this ability, to love myself, my greatest accomplishment and blessing in my life thus far.

Did it ever occur to you that you have a relationship with yourself? While I've never given it much thought, I spend more time with myself than with anyone, and it's vital to get along well with me. Remember, you are the one person you never get away from. 

If you have been following my blog you know that I had become pretty good at negative cuts, belittling words and hurtful comments about me. I won’t go into where all the negatives finally led me. I have already shared that story in an earlier post. Please reread the post titled “If it’s not worthy of saying out loud then it is probably not worth saying to yourself” along with the scary experience it took to wake me up, if you don’t remember.

I had set a goal to write in my blog once a week but just recently a beautiful and wonderful woman, in tears, came to me for help. So I told her that this post is for her. Thank you for reaching out to me because I needed you too. 

You need to know that I cried after I read her email for her AND then for me.  AND then wrote her back, scared to death I would say the wrong thing, because, I have no answers…Just a path…the one I am using.   

Early on, in this butterfly quest I was blessed with a unique and special experience that led to a divine intervention. As all spiritual and divine experiences go they are personal and always lose some of their luster and glory in the sharing. That being said, I will try to put into words a wonderful change that came over my heart and soul. I am not suggesting that you should seek a divine intervention, but I believe one is available for you, if you need it.

Here’s the story…….

I had started emailing an old friend, from years gone way by; at about the same time I started my butterfly quest. You should know, this once was a young man I loved and still have special feelings for. He was and still is very special to me. We started out emailing each other just catching up and learning about how our lives had gone since we last talked some 45 years ago. It was fun, distracting and completely innocent, just two old friends, who had found each other again after a whole life time. One day in a short but very sweet email he told me he still loved me just as he had told me he did some 45 years earlier.  I sat with my mouth open for several minutes just staring at the words on the page,  “I still love you”….This cannot be…l am not worth loving…..was my only thought.

Well the rest of the story and the part that changed my life forever go like this…. It was the memory of this love, though now just a flicker from years long past that sparked a much needed self-examination and search for who I was and where I had gone. What happened to that young girl that he felt was worth loving?  Unbeknown to him, until today if he is reading this, these sweet words became the spark that God used to light a fire in me.

Over the next weeks that pasted I truly searched my soul as I had never done before. Where was the young girl I used to be? What happened to her dreams, my god, what happened to her heart, to the stars in her eyes? What happened to the girl that he had fallen in love with? The one I loved and respected? This haunted me day and night. It ate at me and stayed on my mind continually, until finally I started to pray. I prayed and pleaded very hard to know her again. I felt she had died and feared she was gone forever. So from the spark he started, a fire began to burn in my heart. It burned to find her, to love her, to put my arms around her and tell her I was so sorry. Sorry for the years I had put her last. Sorry for all the hurtful things I had said and done to her. Sorry I had let her down and in so doing, let everyone I had ever loved down. I never share this story or ever think about it without crying. Thank God that every time I think about it the tears come. I thank God for the tears flowing down my cheeks right now for they remind me that this was a divine intervention.  This was God, reaching down to me, through this old friend, in an attempt to save my life.

Months have passed since I Have found her. I am happy to report that although she was weak when I found her, she is now very much alive again and growing stronger every day. We, (she and I) are so grateful to this old friend and to God for a chance at a happy life again.

We should love ourselves—not in a selfish, self-centered way that produces a lifestyle of self-indulgence, but in a balanced, godly way that affirms God's creation as essentially good and right. We may be flawed by unfortunate experiences we've gone through, but that doesn't mean we're worthless and good-for-nothing

The important message here, if you didn’t catch it, is Self Esteem. Please stop the negative talk. Find every good and worthy thing about yourself right now that you can remember and just begin again to love and respect you, a beautiful and amazing child of God. If you are having a hard time doing this then Pray. And then Pray some more.

I cannot stress enough that; the first step is self-esteem. The first step is loving you, for in loving yourself all of your problems will become lighter. Be as gentle and loving to yourself as you would to your own child. If your child came to you with a problem what would you say and do to help that child? Don’t know? Find out now! It is extremely important to your health and happiness. Use my path if you need too for a while. But I have no doubt that you will eventually find your own, for God loves you just as he loves me.

A side note…….In case my old friend happens to read this by some slight chance….I hope you know I love you for a list of reasons…… and it seems that now I have to add  gratitude to that list.

We must have the kind of love for ourselves that says, "I know God loves me, so I can love what God chooses to love. I don't love everything I do, but I accept myself because God accepts me." We must develop the kind of mature love that says, "I know I need to change, and I want to change. In fact, I believe God is changing me daily, but during this process, I will not reject what God accepts. I'll accept myself as I am right now, knowing that I will not always remain this way." 

Many times people who reject themselves do so because they can't see themselves as good, proper, or right. They fail to see themselves the way God sees them—as precious children He dearly loves. 

As you begin to see yourself through God's eyes—someone who's loved and cherished—your view of yourself will begin to change. You'll begin to see yourself not as rejected, but as loved and accepted…unique and beautiful in His sight

The Fear of Sucess

November 27, 2011

Fearing Success

“Many women fear success at losing weight because becoming more attractive to others could jeopardize the love and the life they have or create situations they do not know how to handle”

I have said before that I am learning that I am complicated. The above fear has been one of mine for years. In a conversation about self-esteem with my daughter Peggy, I was surprised to learn it is one of her fears as well. I want to dedicate this blog to her. She has so many talents to share with the world. I never want fear to keep her from developing all she is meant to be. I love you Peggy this is in honor of you….a wonderful and beautiful woman, mother, sister, wife and daughter. Capable of facing all fear!

A little surprised to learn this about Peggy, I started wondering just how many other women may have these feelings as well?  I then went to the all-knowing “Google” to see just how common this fear is and….I was blown away to realize that Peggy and I are not alone at all.  It is listed as one of the biggest fears we use to avoid success in several online articles I read. Holy Cow! I truly am picturing a little angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other, with my head in the middle. J Seriously, on many occasions the devil made me do it literally!

The first time I remember this happening I was about 25 years old. That year I had my third child and had gained about 60 lbs. My marriage was good and though my husband had not complained about the extra weight I felt very NOT attractive and Oh so, NOT sexy. I was always tired and most of my time was dedicated to the nurturing of children so I always put my health and looks on the back burner.  My mother talked me into a diet club and told me she would keep the kids while I went so…..I did go. After about 5 months I had found my figure again. I remember slipping into my wedding dress and modeling it for my husband who’s admiring comments about how beautiful I was seemed like music to my ears. Ah ha! I had my sexy self again, not to mention, flexibility and more energy as well as some much needed self-esteem and a very interested husband. Wow I felt great! I had made my good marriage great and felt happy with my success.  Then it happened…..it just started with a few admiring looks and comments from other men.  I was flattered and it helped me feel even better about my accomplishment. What finally did it for me was a very attractive man at the grocery store. I kept passing him in the store and each time I went down an isle I noticed he was coming up the same isle to pass me. He was smiling bigger with each pass and his little boy soon joined in.  Well the next time we passed his little boy said, “My daddy thinks you are pretty”.  I blushed and smiled at them both. He pushed his cart closer and apologized for his son’s remark…and then asked me for my number. I said well I am married. I was pretty shocked when he said He didn’t care if I didn’t. Of course I just pushed my cart on out of site and left the store as quickly as I could. I cried as I drove home because the man was gorgeous enough to make me blush and THAT scared me. I sat out in the car for a while before going inside to my husband. I remember that afternoon being a turning point right then. I could not risk being attracted to another man and being unfaithful to my husband. When I started to gain my weight back I used this fear to justify the weight increase.  What a cop out on my part. Losing weight and being attracted to other men do not have to be connected. They are two separate issues. My fear of how to cope with being attractive to other men again and staying faithful to my husband scared me. Instead of dealing with it I chose what I thought was the safer way. Fix it so no one would be attracted to me. Now that I am older and looking back instead of forward I realize I gave up a lot more than my healthy curvy figure. I gave up self-esteem and respect out of fear. A fear I chose not to deal with became my downfall. I lost a lot because I chose not to deal with it and I let it paralyze me. I have been pretty honest here and revealed a part of me that is pretty embarrassing. This was an experience that my ex was never aware of. Sorry….    If I had been honest with myself years ago I could have avoided a fear that cost me way more than just keeping me faithful to a man I would have been faithful too anyway. Of course being overweight did not keep me faithful in my marriage, my morals did. What the fear actually kept me from was knowing that. Hind sight may be enlightening but always comes too late.

Fear as kept me from lots of wonderful things over the years. It has kept me from being the mother, grandmother, daughter, sister, aunt, friend and well….much more. I vow to fight it the rest of my life. Fear of success is real and paralyzing. Giving into it instead of dealing with it will always come with a heavy price. Not facing fears is just another way of justifying negative actions and SURPRISE! another form of negative thoughts.  My eyes are wet as I am writing because I realize I am still afraid. So let me end  with this a prayer for me, Peggy and you.  Oh God please bless me and give me strength. Just help me trust in you. Let me trust that losing weight will bring experiences that are new, Please bring them. Experiences I am afraid to face but CAN and WILL with your help. . Please be my strength that I may face my fears and never let it keep me from becoming all I was meant to be and all I am capable of achieving. Amen.

Sunday – November 21, 2011

I started the day at church where I heard again, the story of the ten lepers. Although, this time, I got a little different understanding than I ever had before. The speaker focused on the phrase ”Go and present yourself”.  In the story the lepers are told by Christ that they should go and present themselves to the priest. They were told to GO and they would be healed on the way.  It was the journey that was important and Christ knew it. Of course he could have healed them right there on the spot but instead he gave them the opportunity of a lifetime. For them truly, the journey of a lifetime began with one single step and the decision to take that leap of faith.

I can find very little about their journey in the scriptures accept that they did go. Was it difficult? How did they manage to walk among the healthy to reach their destination, a place they were not permitted?  How many problems did they encounter on their way? How many times did they think about turning around and feel hopeless.  To present yourself meant they were healthy and would then be free to live among family and friends again. How hard was it for them to take that leap of faith and just start moving forward?  

As I considered this story and how it relates to my life right now, I realized that losing weight takes a leap of faith for me as well.  Like the lepers it is the climb or the journey that will be important in my transformation. As I am moving toward and closer to my quest…I will be healed…one step at a time, closer and closer to my goal weight.

Just like the lepers, I don’t have a great and happy day every day. There are some days when I feel like a total failure. Sometimes it feels hopeless and I just want to hide or run away. I have days when life just makes it too hard for me. I think about giving up at least once a week.  BUT when I first started this I thought about giving up every day. I am becoming more determined with every passing day. I really am seeing with different eyes now, seeing that it is possible.

I have said before that I started out thinking this process was more of a physical problem I needed to deal with. But now that I am well on my way I realize I was wrong. It is a spiritual thing. My body belongs to my spirit. The light that I see on my face now as I compare before and after photos is not just a physical healing but a spiritual enlightenment. My spirit was so offended by the neglect or abuse of over eating, eating the wrong things and lack of activity that it was lost, buried somewhere deep inside.  I am so humbled and grateful to be able to experience this enlightment.  I know this is because I chose to take a leap of faith, put one foot in front of the other and start moving forward toward my goal. I have no doubt that I will be a more complete, happier, healthier woman after the climb. This is a journey of a lifetime. It is all about the Climb.

This song came to my mind as I drove home from church so wanted to share some of the words with you.

The Climb lyrics
Songwriters: Alexander, J; Mabe, J;

I can almost see it
That dream I am dreaming
But there's a voice inside my head saying
"You'll never reach it"

Every step I'm taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking

But I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high
There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down
But no, I'm not breaking

I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most, yeah
Just gotta keep going
And I, I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on

Keep on moving, keep climbing
Keep the faith, baby
It's all about, it's all about the climb
Keep the faith, keep your faith, whoa

The Secret of Losing Weight Is Autumn…..

Everyone wants to know the secret of melting those excess pounds of fat -- fast, fast, fast! And there are lots of opinions about how-to-do-it, all available for the price of the latest best-selling book, or the newest pill, potion or powder.

But save your money. I'm about to give you the secret for free. Are you ready? It's change, but quite possibly, Autumn, as well. J What or who is Autumn? Well you will just have to read on to understand what I mean about it being Autumn. But if you want to be thinner than you are, change your behavior to what it would be if you didn't have a weight problem. Eat the way you would eat if you were already at your ideal weight. Exercise the way you would exercise if you were an in-shape athlete, rather than an out-of-shape couch potato.

This morning I woke up about five a.m. and try as I might, could not go back to sleep. My mind kept returning to something I have been thinking about for several days now. If I want to be thin, healthy and happy then I need to think, act and live like I am. Somewhere, once upon a time, I heard or read that if you want to be successful you must choose to act as though you ARE successful right now! Eventually we become what we think!

After lying in bed, tossing and turning for twenty minutes or so I realized sleep was not returning and so I got up, grabbed my laptop and started to Google for articles on the subject. ‘If I act thin now, will I be thin soon?’ and ‘To be successful should you act the part?’.

Of course I found enough on the subject to keep me busy reading for an hour or so. And amazingly guess what I learned; Living like you would if you had already achieved your success, gets you there faster. I absolutely believe this to be true and I am sure it will work for me! So yeah…. I believe that it’s right, and I am now trying to visualize what my life would be like after achieving my goal.  So okay, yeah, exactly, if you are thinking I am having a hard time doing it then you would be right. I have a problem Houston, S.O.S.

So here I am, back to my blog family, my therapy cohorts asking you for your opinion and support. Some of you have been making comments, thanks so much….please continue to do so. It really, really does help. Can I also ask a favor of you? Please offer suggestions, opinions, tips and ideas. Things you have tried, want to try or wish you could or would have tried. I do welcome what you have to say.

I have hit road blocks several times thus far in my little butterfly journey. Each time I do, I try to evaluate what is going wrong, what I am NOT doing right and why I am struggling AGAIN to get on down the scale to my goal? Portion control, food choices and negative thoughts, to name a few, have been some of the stumbling blocks I have and continue to deal with. However I am continually amazed at this process and what I am learning about Linda. So far I have learned that she is a damn complicated woman. But you know what else? I am learning that I like her again and despite her weaknesses she is a pretty spunky chick. J She WILL do this!

Some of my sweetest family and friends have told me they have “been to the mountain top”, that is to say, “they have seen me thin”.  My sweet and very beautiful daughter in law, Autumn, told me one day at the beginning of my journey, that she had seen me thin in a dream. In the dream, she said I came to visit her as my new, thin, happy and healthy self. She smiled with confidence and told me, “You looked great!”  

Autumn is, among many amazing and wonderful things, a beautiful and very thin young woman. She is blessed with a great metabolism that seems to allow her to eat as much as she wants and actually grow more beautiful and thin with each new day. Ever known someone like that? Someone who, it just doesn’t seem to matter what they eat, they just look perfect no matter what? Judging by appearances, Autumn is one of these lucky people. But don’t let what appears to be, fool you because healthy habits are very important to Autumn. She does choose treats occasionally, and can get away with it, because she chooses veggies, fruits and lots and lots of water over meat, sugar and pop mostly ALWAYS. She is up early, almost every morning, and running the minute her feet touch the floor. The fact that she is active and makes conscience decisions every day to be healthy may not seem apparent to the average passer-by, cause… well let’s face it, she seems to have the talent of making it look so very dang easy. However I know her and have seen her choices in action. Autumn, if you haven’t guessed by now, is in fact, one of my heroes. Not only is she a very dedicate, determined and positive young woman, she is a great wife and mother who is actively living and teaching these good traits to her children and husband. She most definitely is the driving force behind my wonderful son Brian. He told me once that he knew she was the right woman for him because she makes him feel like he can do absolutely anything he sets his mind to.

Please forgive the fact that I have used this post to take the opportunity to brag on my beautiful daughter in law. I just think in order to see myself as successful I should consider those around me who are. What are they doing right? How can I use what I see in them to become a success myself? You might try it as well. I am hoping I will more clearly see myself as I look at them. Wow…that was profound! J

So again, don’t be fooled. When you see happy, healthy and thin people out there in the world, it is not by accident or just some unfair twist of fate. I guarantee that they are most always and definitely living the life that brings these results. Live today as if you are a success right now and YOU WILL BE tomorrow! Hey you ARE!

If it’s not worth saying out loud, it’s probably not worthy of saying to yourself”

“Don’t say anything to yourself that you wouldn’t say to anyone else. If it’s not worth saying out loud, it’s probably not worthy of saying to yourself”

I have never really thought of myself as a negative person that is until a couple of years ago. I thought being negative meant injecting negative comments about the circumstances or about other’s physical or personal flaws. Don’t get me wrong I have been pretty judgmental at times, some of my son-in-laws will attest, but for the most part I am pretty easy to please and accepting of others.  What I did not even realize is how unaccepting and unloving I had become to myself. Thus, the above quote, “Don’t say anything to yourself that you wouldn’t say to anyone else. If it’s not worth saying out loud, it’s probably not worthy of saying to yourself”

If took a pretty scary experience for me to realize just how bad negative self-talk can be. I would not normally share something this personal with anyone accept family or very close friends because there is always something lost in the translation of personal spiritual experiences, but for the sake of you understanding just where my head was, I will share.

One evening two of my children were sharing comments about a pretty scary movie they had been to see during the week. I had not seen the movie but was listening to the conversation. I was aware as I listened that what they were sharing was conjuring up some pretty dramatic and frightening scenes in my imagination but I did not give it another thought as the conversation soon changed to more pleasant things. Soon everyone went their own way and I got ready for bed. What happened next scared the blue blazes out of me and sent me almost running to turn the light on in my room, which I kept on the rest of the night. I barely slept a wink. In fact I slept with the light on the entire next week.

After laying myself down to sleep, and while I was just in that twilight place, where you are almost asleep but not really, I thought I was dreaming that a small dark figure, that I won’t even attempt to describe (Let’s just say I wasn’t frightened at first at his appearance, I was just focused on what he or it was doing). He was peering into what I thought was a window. It looked like he was trying to see inside, like he was trying to figure out if someone was home or just exactly what was going on. It seemed like he was trying to decide if it was safe to go in?? Don’t know because at this point I realized this was no ordinary looking person, just a dark figure. Not like anyone I had ever seen. At this same time I gasped for air, guess I had been holding my breath, as I realized he was not peering into a room but looking into my soul, head. He was peering in through my eyes. My eyes were the windows he was looking into. He was right up in my face.  Believe me I thought the worst, and he was moving closer like he had decided to come in. It was at this point that I woke up and at straight up in bed startled. I then jumped and remember almost leaping toward my bed room light.

Like I said, I barely slept that night or the following nights that followed. I felt cold and scared and kept inspecting the room for any sight of him. It had felt that real to me.

Almost a week had gone by when I anxiously and literally ran to church. I was hoping I could find relief from this negative, cold, emptiness that I just could not shake. I just wanted it to go away. The theme of the church service that morning was scripture study. I remember hearing that those who make a habit of reading the scriptures on a daily basis would experience great peace, happiness and joy in this life. That reading the scriptures would bring light and feelings of comfort. Ok, as soon as I heard this I knew that was exactly what I needed, peace, happiness, light and comfort. I determined to go home and accept this challenge starting right now. I began reading that afternoon. Indeed, after a few nights I was able to sleep again with the light off and soon began to experience the promised blessings of light, peace and happiness. I was so grateful and still am.

Weeks later I was reflecting on all that had happened and realized what I had learned about myself through this experience, which I will share.

By reading the scriptures I began to feel better, when I started feeling better, I soon could see I had become a very negative person. Negative about me, my life. I was so unkind, belittling and judgmental of myself. I really did not consider being hard and negative toward myself a sin or problem and did not realize I was doing anything wrong. I really had no idea of the harm I was doing to myself. I was surely blinded and did not see that this negative self-talk was hurting me just as it would have hurt anyone else I might have directed it at. I don’t know why I had this experience with the little dark figure but I can tell you that it really scared the hell out of me. It quite literally woke me up, in more ways than one. Maybe the little dark figure just represented all that negativity that was trying to take over my thoughts and move in, so to speak. Anyway he hasn’t been back and hopefully he never will.

 I work on having positive self-talk every day now. That is, I try really hard to be gentle with myself and as kind as I might be to a stranger. It is not easy though it has become easier over the last few months. It really has been a key to my success helping me lose weight. Dieting seems like it is a physical thing and I always thought it mostly was, but I realize now it is also a head thing. Something positive good happens to your whole self, spirit, soul and body when your thoughts are positive. When you tell yourself that you deserve great and happy things. That you deserve to look, act and feel healthy and beautiful.

Losing weight and being beautiful is extremely hard while you are telling yourself that you are a loser and not worthy of anything good or happy. Believe me I have tried it and have not been successful.

I do feel my physical self changing as I lose weight. But as my thoughts improve I also feel my heart and soul changin and filling with positive light, love and kindness for who I am. And I might as well add another spiritual note to end on; Jesus Christ thought I was worth dying for just as he died for us all, so who am I to treat any of his children so unkindly? Even me, I am one of his daughters afterall.

Why a Blog named Butterfly Wings?

November 2, 2011
Today my baby daughter came to this blog site with the intent to create a way for me to journal the changes going on in my life. I was hesitant at first because "the changes going on in my life" are just that, MINE, deeply personal and very emotional. I very rarely talk about it with anyone without shedding a few tears.  I told her it would be too embarrassing for me to reveal that negative, depressed and hopeless part of myself. Why would I want anyone to remember that soul who was so lost she did not even realize just 'how lost' she was and 'how low' she had fallen? With every argument I brought up as to why I shouldn't, she had a reason to do it anyway. Alas my daughter won. When she told me that she needed me to do it for her and her children I had nothing else to come back with. How can I a mother argue with that? So this site is dedicated to my family with all my heart and love but with a special request, that the people I love most in this life will not judge me too harshly and that anyone who reads this will keep an open mind as I try to be painfully honest.

Butterfly Wings is about a change or metamorphous. A stepping out from the dark into the light. A search for the true and best of myself. A remembering of who I am, why I am here and what is unique and special about me. Freedom from fear of failure.
Of course this is my definition as I see it playing out in my life right now; maybe it will change some as I continue.

If you choose to read along as I go, just remember, although I lived it I am NOT proud of it, just deeply grateful for divine intervention. 

The first picture is July 2010, the second is May 2011 and the last is September 2011

In the last picture I am half way to my goal weight. I have lost about 70 lbs.



One day the first part of September 2011 I found myself sitting in front of this computer in a stupor, starring at that first photo above. Tears streamed down my face as I starred at the image of my former self. Funny I remember being, what I thought was pretty happy on that day. I spent that day with my oldest son in the smoky mountains. As I saw it again for the first time in months, I realized how sad and lost I really was.  
I remember feeling numbness or what might have been a failure to connect to reality. I really think you can see it in my countenance as you compare the second and then the third pictures there. This numbness seems to have faded by leaps and bounds in the last shot revealing a different and happier looking woman. Barely recognizable as the first.
Although I have begun to change and am happier now than I have been in years I am far from satisfied with where I am. Regrets that I waited so long to struggle through this change are overwhelming at times. The ifs can be quite painful. What if I had made this journey long ago for myself and for the people I love?
Although my weight cannot be blamed for all my failures, I have to wonder where we would be today. It would be different I am sure. Despite regrets, I hope that it is not too late to print a healthier, happier and more complete woman's image in my family's hearts. I so want them to have a better example to contemplate as they struggle with their own demons in this life. And so, I am hoping by sharing my story, like therapy, I will find the strength to finish my change and hopefully make the road they travel a little less painful. And if it so be that someone else who reads this is encouraged in this process then all the better.
"It is never too late to become all that you were meant to be"