The Fear of Sucess

November 27, 2011

Fearing Success

“Many women fear success at losing weight because becoming more attractive to others could jeopardize the love and the life they have or create situations they do not know how to handle”

I have said before that I am learning that I am complicated. The above fear has been one of mine for years. In a conversation about self-esteem with my daughter Peggy, I was surprised to learn it is one of her fears as well. I want to dedicate this blog to her. She has so many talents to share with the world. I never want fear to keep her from developing all she is meant to be. I love you Peggy this is in honor of you….a wonderful and beautiful woman, mother, sister, wife and daughter. Capable of facing all fear!

A little surprised to learn this about Peggy, I started wondering just how many other women may have these feelings as well?  I then went to the all-knowing “Google” to see just how common this fear is and….I was blown away to realize that Peggy and I are not alone at all.  It is listed as one of the biggest fears we use to avoid success in several online articles I read. Holy Cow! I truly am picturing a little angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other, with my head in the middle. J Seriously, on many occasions the devil made me do it literally!

The first time I remember this happening I was about 25 years old. That year I had my third child and had gained about 60 lbs. My marriage was good and though my husband had not complained about the extra weight I felt very NOT attractive and Oh so, NOT sexy. I was always tired and most of my time was dedicated to the nurturing of children so I always put my health and looks on the back burner.  My mother talked me into a diet club and told me she would keep the kids while I went so…..I did go. After about 5 months I had found my figure again. I remember slipping into my wedding dress and modeling it for my husband who’s admiring comments about how beautiful I was seemed like music to my ears. Ah ha! I had my sexy self again, not to mention, flexibility and more energy as well as some much needed self-esteem and a very interested husband. Wow I felt great! I had made my good marriage great and felt happy with my success.  Then it happened…..it just started with a few admiring looks and comments from other men.  I was flattered and it helped me feel even better about my accomplishment. What finally did it for me was a very attractive man at the grocery store. I kept passing him in the store and each time I went down an isle I noticed he was coming up the same isle to pass me. He was smiling bigger with each pass and his little boy soon joined in.  Well the next time we passed his little boy said, “My daddy thinks you are pretty”.  I blushed and smiled at them both. He pushed his cart closer and apologized for his son’s remark…and then asked me for my number. I said well I am married. I was pretty shocked when he said He didn’t care if I didn’t. Of course I just pushed my cart on out of site and left the store as quickly as I could. I cried as I drove home because the man was gorgeous enough to make me blush and THAT scared me. I sat out in the car for a while before going inside to my husband. I remember that afternoon being a turning point right then. I could not risk being attracted to another man and being unfaithful to my husband. When I started to gain my weight back I used this fear to justify the weight increase.  What a cop out on my part. Losing weight and being attracted to other men do not have to be connected. They are two separate issues. My fear of how to cope with being attractive to other men again and staying faithful to my husband scared me. Instead of dealing with it I chose what I thought was the safer way. Fix it so no one would be attracted to me. Now that I am older and looking back instead of forward I realize I gave up a lot more than my healthy curvy figure. I gave up self-esteem and respect out of fear. A fear I chose not to deal with became my downfall. I lost a lot because I chose not to deal with it and I let it paralyze me. I have been pretty honest here and revealed a part of me that is pretty embarrassing. This was an experience that my ex was never aware of. Sorry….    If I had been honest with myself years ago I could have avoided a fear that cost me way more than just keeping me faithful to a man I would have been faithful too anyway. Of course being overweight did not keep me faithful in my marriage, my morals did. What the fear actually kept me from was knowing that. Hind sight may be enlightening but always comes too late.

Fear as kept me from lots of wonderful things over the years. It has kept me from being the mother, grandmother, daughter, sister, aunt, friend and well….much more. I vow to fight it the rest of my life. Fear of success is real and paralyzing. Giving into it instead of dealing with it will always come with a heavy price. Not facing fears is just another way of justifying negative actions and SURPRISE! another form of negative thoughts.  My eyes are wet as I am writing because I realize I am still afraid. So let me end  with this a prayer for me, Peggy and you.  Oh God please bless me and give me strength. Just help me trust in you. Let me trust that losing weight will bring experiences that are new, Please bring them. Experiences I am afraid to face but CAN and WILL with your help. . Please be my strength that I may face my fears and never let it keep me from becoming all I was meant to be and all I am capable of achieving. Amen.