"So that I do remember to never go that far, could you leave me with a scar?"

I have been searching all week for my scars….yes, I know what you are thinking, why would I be looking for those ugly-old stretch marks? And true, the physical ones are still easy to see, as you might well imagine, but those are not the scars I seek to keep. Heavens no. It is the spiritual scars I am seeking, and the ones I so desperately want to hold to.

Scars come in all shapes and sizes. They appear on faces, bodies or souls, speaking of some old hurts and pains that no longer affect us (aside from the dull ache of phantom pain). The incidents remain branded onto us though, the scars reminding us of the trauma. Little abject lessons carved into us that help us remember to never to get hurt the same way again.

WARNING – I have recently discovered that spiritual amnesia causes your spiritual scars to disappear. Confused?  Let me share an experience that brought this to my attention.

The First Sunday of Every Month

In my church, the first Sunday of each new month is for fasting and sharing of testimonies. Anyone in the congregation may stand at the podium and share his testimony. Over the years I have come to love hearing the spiritual feelings, experiences and insights shared by my friends and church family. I have found this time to be a comfort to me throughout my life and is usually a time of spiritual reflection for me.  Depending on what is going on in my life, emotion can make it impossible to stand and declare tender and sweet feelings of love for God without the shedding of tears. Because of this, I share my feelings and declarations of love on very rare occasions.  Anyway I do have a point…

Upon entering the church building on this first Sunday in December, I was aware that today was first Sunday and that the congregation would be invited to share testimonies. However I had no intention of sharing mine. I took a seat in one of the back rows where I could quietly enjoy what others would have to say, and where I would reflect on things dear to my heart. As the meeting progressed a dialogue started within me that surprised me somewhat.

The dialogue went something like this; “Linda, you need to share your testimony”, “No! That would be pointless, I would cry, and then no one would be able to understand what I wanted to share anyway.” ‘I am way too emotional right now.  I have nothing to say that these people would need to hear, I will do best to listen to others”, Most of these people don’t even know who I am”, “That is right you are a stranger in their midst, you should make your heart known to them”, “No! Why would I even consider doing this?” ’‘You have so many blessings…the Lord has not forgotten you, do not forget him”, “No……”

Well... I did share my testimony that day…but drove home still wondered why I had felt such a strong prompting to share.

THEN…one day last week I was talking to my daughter Cheryl on the phone and in the course of our conversation I shared this experience with her.  She listened intently without making a comment until I was finished. Then…,”Mom, I remember a time a couple of years ago when you and I were attending a first Sunday together. During the meeting I noticed you were crying and I asked why? You told me you wanted to share your testimony but was afraid that you would not be able to walk up to the podium and stand there long enough to do it. Mom, that is so amazing that now you were able to do that.”

 Ah ha!     Cheryl was right!

The thought that I could not stand there long enough to share my testimony had not even crossed my mind that Sunday. I was not in a place in my life anymore where ‘how hard’ it would be to stand and walk influenced my every move.

Cheryl, Keola with Elijah and Faith

So now I knew…the Lord was trying to remind me of a time when I could not share my testimony because it was physically not possible. I had forgotten. How was that possible…the realization of this spiritual amnesia or forgetting was devastating to me. Tears poured. How could I have forgotten so easily where I had come from? Fear rose up from my stomach and climbed up my throat in a big knot. Oh my God, if I can forget that easily then I will never be able to finish my quest. The story of the Jews who wandered in the desert for 40 years suddenly lit up my mind like a Hollywood horror flick with me playing the lead role. I was no different. Of course, the Red sea had not been parted for me but I had been rescued just the same.

What is striking is how the children of Israel forgot the Lord and all of the acts that he had performed for them in Egypt, in the wilderness. This forgetfulness served as the context for their depravity, for their worship of other gods and for their failure.

Deuteronomy 6:12 be careful that you do not forget the LORD, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery.

I have thought about this every day since I spoke to Cheryl. I am still trying to come up with a plan that will ensure that I do not ever forget again. I have thought of everything from getting a scarlet letter tattooed on my forehead to reciting the 10 commandments every morning. Right now the fear is making it easy to remember but why did I forget so easily…. I really do not know what to do here. Anyone have any ideas for me?

Never forget where you came from. If we forget where we came from and what made us, who we are now, then we will have no foundation to stand up on, and we will eventually crumble.

Look back at the good times and smile, not because you had good times then, but because there are many more good times to come, and many more good memories to be made.

Look back at the bad times as well and smile, because now that you have been through those experiences, you are stronger and wiser, and even more equipped to handle the world and everything it throws at you!